Looking at the other, being angry about him, knowing what s/he would need to do differently, shaking head at her, devalueing him, punishing him, ignore her, etc. – all of which are common conflict behavior. We would always find plenty of reasons for this on the content level. And this feeling of factual permission prevents us from seeing that this whole approach neither helps nor is the only possible one.
Regardless of the content level, we own anger and all the other emotions and reactions. And this property – like any other – requires taking responsibility. Who allows to get in touch with this for the first time, will be surprised: The clearer you take the responsibility, the more independent you are from the conflict partner in finding your own inner peace.
Check these theses for yourself:
- Who owns (not deserves!) your anger?
- Who has the power over your reaction?
- How do you try to take the other in charge for it?
- What happens when you accept the full responsibility for your emotions and reactions?