recipes for success

We all would like to have them. And that´s why we collect them – more or less consciously. Have you ever looked at the conflict recipes which drive your behavior in conflicts? Sometimes they even get active on a simple dispute or a criticism. They tell us, whether we should generally go for fight and if so how. They tell us, whether we have to prepare for victory or defeat and how to deal with it. Such recipes sneak in your thoughts  as sentences like:

“I rather give in, otherwise it would just get worse.” or “I might be weaker but more persistent.” or “I ´m going to show him. That´s exactly not the way he is going to get me.” or “I rather be the moral victor than winning in such a battle.” or “I am above this. I keep cool.”

These or similar sentences exist within us and make us not double check, whether the message really meets the current situation and actually leads to “success”.

What are your alleged recipes for success about yourself in conflicts?

And how could you double check in a case of conflict, whether they are actually appropriate?