Does really everything that bothers us in others depend on the other? Is that what we perceive from the other his stuff or our stuff? You might want to terminate this difficult consideration with a flat “partly-partly” response. What makes this consideration so difficult? I suspect it is because we associate taking responsibility for our shares with the question of guilt. This link prevents reflection. Outside of courts the question of guilt is not necessary. Especially in the area of humanness and interpersonal relations we can replace it with a loving quest for understanding. Even what is not helpful, has a deeper, pre-conscious logic.
What attitude prevents you from thinking about your shares?
What thought regarding a loving quest to understand would you use, when you want to increase your self awareness?