A dispute, a conflict, a controversy, a problem with someone, an antipathy, the title “dislikable” and whatnot often roots in a certain aspect of the others personality or behavior, which one doesn´t like or rather cannot understand and does not want to understand. One tends to describe the other as wrong, bad and the problem itself and to make the other go for help, support, education, consulting or coaching in order to fix it.
The real development and clarification rather takes place, when we ask ourselves, which of our values is irritated by this certain aspect of personality or behavior. To present this value to the other allows an entirely different way of cooperation.
Thus I offer you the following reflecting question for a “case of problem” with someone:
What exactly is irritating me at the other and with which of my values is it colliding?
And if you want to go even further:
How could I present my convictions about this value to the other in general?