The very fact that we as humans are differently vulnerable and that same occasions hurt us differently shows that it has to do with ourselves, not with the conflict partner who hurts us currently, or better: who currently triggers this vulnerability. We have neither chosen our vulnerability nor can we switch it off due to this realization. But we can accept it and own it rather than attributing the act of injury to the conflict partner.
How would the course of your conflict alter, if you tell your conflict partner: “I do not know exactly your share in this. I just know that I am vulnerable at this point. I am not after appointing guilt, I just want you to know it.”?
And would this make you come across more weak or more strong?