We can have a dispute, an argument, a disagreement and being fine with it. If there is none of my needs involved, one could have a conflict with me – without me being distressed. If I am in distress, out of my center, not in inner peace, a need is affected. When we take this need and bring it into the conflict clarification, we enable our conflict partner to see, respect and even to fulfill this need.

When I am in distress,

–          If a colleague does not like me, then it might be about my need for harmony and respect or about my need to be liked by everyone.

–          If my boss/colleague/partner accuses me of not having carried out a task, then it might be about my need to be considered as reliable or about my need to be seen in my effort for all the other tasks or about my need for justice, etc.

–          If someone hurries ahead in  a meeting, it might be about my need for considerateness and integration.

–          etc.

Which need is involved in your conflict case?

Do you really want to get this need fulfilled by your conflict partner?

If so, how could you express it?