In conflicts we usually want, that the conflict partner does or does not something. By this we hand over not only the supposed guilt and responsibility for the solution to him/her, but also a power over us. By generating the link “if only he/she would… I could/would be …” we go into dependency. Recognizing this we can look anew at our own choices of evaluation and action. Even though we alone cannot bring peace between us, we can provide peace inside ourselves.
To release the linkage the following thoughts might be helpful:
- The other is doing his/her best possible in his/her time.
- I accept that right now he/she just cannot give, what I want from him/her.
- I let us both have the time we need, and I accept, that for the time being we cannot just be in full peace with each other.
And for your self care, I offer you the question:
- How can I care for myself in the meantime with regard to our contact, without me triggering another conflict message to the other?