There is an incredible amount of what is going on internally and usually preconscious with us in case of conflict and even at the first signs of conflict. Quickly we try to produce safety for us, a need that mostly goes beyond the current situation. One of the pre-conscious strategies that we choose is positioning. We grasp internally at a position, which we hold on to in the current circumstances, e.g .
- The other is to blame or bad!
- I’m innocent!
- This is unfair or ridiculous!
- By this he will get nowhere with me!
Sticking to such a position creates for us a sense of strength and security. Thus we do not question anymore whether this position is actually beneficial for us in the conflict. Usually this is exactly not the case. The conflict only hardens and gets additional dynamics.
What would be the alternative for positioning? Questions, feeling and wondering.
Who thinks it’s all about strength, will not dare to use these alternatives, and stay in the positioning battle.
What do you think, what it is all about?
To which questions do you actually not know the answer in the conflict?
What do you wonder about?
What do you feel?
What would happen if you express that instead of positioning?