types of needs

An approach in conflict coaching is to discover the emotional core. It might be different for the conflict partners. And seeing this is very helpful for resolving the conflict. According to a centuries-old typology the basic core of striving is – depending on the type – one of the following three basic needs:

• Love and appreciation
• Autonomy and respect
• Safety

Depending on which type you (and your conflict partner) are one of these basic needs can be the core of the problem and the pain and at the same time the potential solution in your conflict. The latter is because actually acute conflicts arise on a more superficial level than this deep need. It is often very easy to signal to the other “I like you anyway, here I’m just trying to…” or “I respect your decision.” or “I would like to hold on to the framework, you can rely on it.” etc.

Which basic need is yours?
What message would you need from your conflict partner for it?
What could you do to get this message?
Which type is probably your conflict partner?
What message could you give him so that this deep basic need can be satisfied?